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I love social media. Having lived across the world from family and friends for five years made it an important part of our lives to stay connected. And while we don't live across the world anymore, we are over 1,200 miles away from all our family and many friends. Social media has evolved to being more than a way to stay connected to people today, it also has become a way to stay connected to the past with things like #TBT (throwback Thursday) and Facebook memories.

The past few weeks as I was scouring my photo files for the "perfect" pictures for #TBT it really hit me just how short of a time left I have with my "babies". Emily is turning 20-years-old and already a sophomore in college, Chris is a junior and Sami is in 7th grade. In the next six years we will be "empty-nesters". Let's pause for a moment while I pick myself up off the floor at the thought of Matt and I alone. Yikes.

I haven't updated this blog in over a year. I don't really have a good excuse. Maybe it is because I can communicate easier than when I lived in Japan, or it's because we have gotten settled into a busy "American" life of driving (can I mention how much I HATE driving) to some sort of activity every night, or maybe it is because we are just boring people.

One thing I have learned in adulthood is that life is short. It can change in the blink of an eye. Kids grow up too fast, parents don't live forever. And while we all know this, sometimes I think we forget it until something happens to remind us. This morning I read an article that Lloyd Carr's 5-year-old grandson is dying. A year ago Chad Carr was diagnosed with a rare brain tumor and his time is coming to an end. It breaks my heart every time I hear that another parent has to join the "club". So today I decided that I don't care how boring or busy my life may be I need to take time to write because life is short and someday words may be all we have.

July, 2003 to August, 2015

Bittersweet Birthday

Yesterday Allison would have been 11-years-old. Someone asked me if after 11 years, this day was any easier. I had to think about that a moment. Easy isn't the right word to use. There is nothing easy about a birthday that will never be for your daughter. So I choose the word different. Each year that goes by is just different. Every year that passes a new bandaid is placed over a broken heart that slowly over the years the cracks in it have changed. I will never stop wishing that April 29th could be a day for celebration, and there will never be a day that goes by that I don't wish she was here, but I know for some reason this is the path God chose for us, and that is something we can't change.

So happy 11th birthday Allison Grace. I know this is a very special birthday for you because this year NaNa is there for your party. And for me, that makes this the most bittersweet birthday yet.

Fifteen Years Ago...

I became a mom.  On January 12, 1996, during Ohio's Blizzard of 1996, I gave birth to the most perfect, 6 lb 2 oz little girl, who we named Emily Ann. It's hard to believe today she is 15-years-old. What a bittersweet day.

 

We blinked and she grew up in front of our eyes. We are so proud of the young lady she has become and I know the future has big things in store for her.

(2-years-old)

(5-years-old) At Val's house

(8-years-old) First day of 3rd grade

(12-years-old) End of 6th grade field trip

(13-years-old) 5 days after her birthday -- Last meet in the United States

(14-years-old) Last month trying on clothes with a friend

Happy birthday Emily!  We love you!

Blink, Blink, Blink

Today Chris turned 11-years-old (Happy birthday buddy!!). Yesterday was his middle school orientation. Next week Sami will be 7-years-old. We just received Emily's freshman class schedule. It won't be long before we have to start thinking the c-word –– college. Every time I blink, my kids are one year older and one year closer to leaving me us.

 Emily (7), Chris (4), Sami (6 weeks)

Emily (14), Chris (10), Sami (6)

Sure, there are days where I am begging for a group of gypsies to take my children, but I know firsthand how heartbroken I would be without them. One of my friends told me in an email yesterday to cherish the time I have with my kids because soon they won't need or want me around anymore. While I would like to say that would never happen, that would be naive. I remember the day when I was too cool for my parents.

I wish there was a way to stop time, just for a bit. I am looking forward to the next phases in each of my kid's lives, but it is bittersweet to think about the ones I will never have again. There will never be another first step, a first word, or first time they pee peed on the potty. There will never be a first day of kindergarten again. And somehow I think the next "firsts" (kisses, dances, dates, driving, broken hearts...) won't be as easy and cause way more gray hair.

So in only 15 short days, I will have a 9th grader, a 6th grader and a 2nd grader. Boy that makes me feel, well, tired.

Happy Japanniversary to Me! (Well and the kids too)

A year ago I was laying in a hotel room, unable to sleep, writing my last blog post before moving to Japan. I had absolutely no idea what to expect once we got here, and that unknown was terrifying. It was an emotional night. But through the tears, fears and excitement, I felt in my heart that God was about to take our family on an amazing adventure.

So we left our house
and some amazing friends
and went to the airport

to board an airplane
bound for Osaka.
The kids and I said goodbye to America for the last time
and flew almost 17 hours
to say hello to Japan, our new home for the next 3-5 years.
Reflections from our first year as expats living in Japan will come soon. I promise.

Where's the Turkey!

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. As an American, I know the whole historical significance of the holiday, but for me it has always been about family.

As a child, Thanksgiving was a very memorable time. We always went to my Uncle Bob's house in Wooster and all my aunts, uncles and cousins would be there. In my younger years, my cousin's would have a friend or their boyfriend/girlfriend with them. (Which was fine with me because my one cousin had some cute friends!) As we all grew older, the tables became full of spouses and grandchildren. The serving table overflowed with turkey and gravy, mashed potatoes, homemade cranberry relish, baked corn, sweet potatoes, salad, rolls, and homemade pecan pie. My Aunt Judy always brought the best pumpkin pie from a specialty bakery in Cleveland. I kid you not, the pie was 6-inches in height. After we ate so much that we gave ourselves bellyaches (you know, the feeling when you wish you had a few apidexin to pop), we walked from my uncles house to Wooster College's campus, before settling in front of the TV to watch Thanksgiving Day football. The year I was pregnant with Emily, my aunts threw Matt and I a surprise baby shower. Some of my most favorite memories are from Thanksgiving.

Once Matt and I started dating we used to do Thanksgiving lunch at his family's house before heading to dinner with my family, as his parents lived only 12 miles from my parents. I loved working in the kitchen with my two sister-in-law's, preparing the meal. You can do some great gossiping in the kitchen! As we all started having kids (there are 9 now), Thanksgiving became more and more fun.

It is so weird being in a place where Thanksgiving Day for us is just a regular day for everyone else. Doing a traditional Thanksgiving dinner isn't very easy. Costco does carry a small number of turkeys, but we are talking $30 for a 10-pound bird, if they do not run out. Price Club has a 25 pound bird for almost $90. And some of the fixings you normally would have–– forget it. There are a few dinners being planned by some of the other Americans living here. Saturday we are attending a Thanksgiving Dinner hosted by the Shoiya Club, an area several Caterpillar expats live. And next weekend we have a dinner planned with a few other family's that live in our area. I am looking forward to creating some "Japanese Thanksgiving memories."

In 34 years, there has been two Thanksgiving's I have not been with my family. The first was the year Allison died. That year was such a blur that I honestly cannot tell you what we did. The second was in 2007, when we stayed in North Carolina and I hosted a Thanksgiving meal at my house with two other family's in my neighborhood. This year will make the third, and I am having a bit of a hard time adjusting to that.

Next Thursday will be a bittersweet day. I will miss my homemade cranberry relish (one of my favorite parts) as you cannot get fresh cranberries here. I will miss watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. I will miss Thanksgiving Day football. I will miss watching my nieces and nephews run around like wild children, hyped up on pumpkin pie and too much whipped cream. I will really miss my parents. Matt will be at work, the kids at school. The day won't be bad. It will just be –– different.

Irrational Attachments

The past 5 weeks have been full of change for our family. Those who know me well know that change is a very hard thing for me. Change isn't necessarily bad, but it is different. And different and Alexis do not mesh well.

Over the past 3 weeks we have sold our family boat, sold Matt's truck and we have just rented out our house. Financially speaking, I know these are all good things. It doesn't make any sense to have a boat or vehicle sit for 3 years, basically unused. We didn't want to sell our house in hopes that we will go back to NC when our assignment here is finished, so renting it out makes sense. But (there is always a but, isn't there?) these are also all things that hold memories of my family and those are always hard to part with.

Our boat was probably the easiest thing for me to part with. We loved the boat and used it all the time. We took friends on it, camped with it, and made lots of fun memories with our children. I hope that when they look back at their childhood they remember spending two summers swimming, tubing and just having some wonderful family time together. I am sure that we will buy another one at some point when we return stateside.

Our house... it is still our house. I know that. But the irrational part of me doesn't want other people living in my house. Sleeping in my room. Using my refrigerator. The house was a new build so we have been the only homeowners. We did all our own landscaping and painted every room to suit our family. We just agreed to let the renters paint the girls bedrooms as they have all boys and I can see why they would not want a pink or purple bedroom, but now it isn't the girl's bedrooms anymore. They seem like a great family, but as someone told me, renters never take as good of care of your house as you will. I envision my house being destroyed, although it is silly I know.

And finally, Matt's truck. This is the one I really am having issues with. We bought Matt's truck after we graduated from college and moved to Illinois. It was our very first new vehicle. I remember being so excited because we got such a good deal and the truck was red with grey trim, perfect for two Ohio State graduates. But the bigger part I am struggling with is that Matt's truck is the last vehicle Allison ever rode in. I remember loading her up in the truck and leaving our house at 2:30 am on August 9, 2002 and heading 3.5 hours to Chicago for her surgery. I remember the drive back to Decatur 4 days later with an empty car seat and a broken heart. Morbid memory I know, but for some weird reason I have a weird, again irrational, attachment to this silly 11 year old truck. We have so few memories and had so little time with Allison that I grasp to the simplest things that have her in them.

A therapist would have a field day with me, huh? :-)

It's Not GoodBye, But Until Next Time

It is 1:45 am and we leave for the airport in less than 5 hours. We found out we were moving to Japan in September and some days it seems like time has flown and other days the time has drug on (especially on days when Matt was already in Japan and I was having a trying day with the kids). But the day is here and it is mixed with emotion.

Today my heart broke watching Emily burst into tears after she finished her gymnastics meet (which she did awesome at, but that is a post for later) and several times throughout the day as she said good bye to those who she has grown to call her sisters, brothers and second mothers and fathers. It broke my heart watching her friends cry. Sam cried, but well it's Sam. She feeds off those around her right now. Chris hasn't shown much emotion, but since he is still awake with me, my guess is he is more worried then he lets on (hey we will at least be on Japan time, ha ha). I have to, once again, be the strong one for my children. I can't cry or let them see just how nervous I am about this whole move (well honestly right now it is just the flight with these three that have me terrified).

It is hard to leave our friends, our family, our house, the area we have grown to love and the schools. I have four friends who are going through personal struggles and I hope they know how I am there for them no matter the distance. It will be hard to see family for a large chunk of time rather than 2 or 3 times throughout the year, even though we will actually see them more days than what we do now. It was strange leaving my house tonight, empty, knowing that some family will be living in it (hopefully) until we return. But in the end, this is temporary, and we will be back. That brings a sense of peace.

At the same time, I know that this is an opportunity of a lifetime for our family, especially our children. The experiences they gain will help mold them into the people they will be. No matter what, this is a time they will never forget. They will get to travel to places not many people, let alone children, get to travel. They will get to learn another language and culture. They will get to go to an amazing school. Emily will train at a premier gym in Japan. I won't get into it, but there are so many things that have happened that there is no doubt in my mind that this is a complete God thing and this is where we are supposed to be. And this is what I remind myself when I get worried, nervous or upset.

So no, this isn't a goodbye to all my American friends and family. It is just an "I'll see you later." And stay tuned, I have a feeling there will be some interesting and silly blogging ahead as we embark upon this journey. With us Jacobs', how could it not?

I'm a mom of a teenager

My oldest daughter is turning 13 today. Thirteen –– Yikes! It seems like it was only yesterday that my life changed forever. Life was no longer about me, but about this tiny 6 lb 2 oz baby girl.

Emily is a pretty special girl. She is caring, sensitive, smart, athletic, friendly, always thinking of others rather than herself, and honestly a good kid. (Don't worry, Sam makes up for it and keeps us on our toes)

The past 13 years have been amazing and I cannot wait to see what lies ahead. As a mom of a teenager, anything is possible, right?

Happy 13th birthday Emily. We love you!

Congrats Angier Bulldogs

Tonight our son's team became the Harnett County/Lee County Pee Wee Football Runner-Ups. It was 0 - 0 score until the 4th quarter, when the Lee County team scored twice. We fought a hard battle, but in the end the Angier Bulldogs lost 12 - 0. It was even more sad, considering we haven't lost a game all year.

I still haven't managed to figure out action shots or night shooting with my camera, so my pictures are crappy. But here are a few shots of the team and Chris getting his trophy. My action shots are so blurry they look like I took them from a rc helicopter.

What a bittersweet night. My favorite sport to watch and I won't get to see my son (or anyone) play for 3 years, as American football is not played in Japan.

Congrats Bulldogs!!

Walking with Sami to school

Sami standing at our front door before heading to the bus stop.


Sami walking down our house sidewalk


Sami and Chris before heading to the bus stop


Sami walking down our street to the bus stop


Sami and daddy walking to the bus stop together


Sami at the bus stop


Chris being the awesome big brother and helping Sami across the street. Good thing because otherwise she would have made a run for home.


Almost home!


Sami had an awesome day and couldn't wait to get home and tell mommy all about it.

Patong Beach & Thai Nightlife

The second half of our time in Thailand we stayed in Patong Beach. We wanted to experience two different areas of Phuket -- one well known for its quiet nature, and one more well known for its shopping, nightlife and overall touristy side. While I enjoyed Patong Beach, I definitely liked the quiet nature of Karon Beach better. Patong beach was amazing (I posted here about the beaches of Thailand) and is the longest beach, and probably one of the most beautiful, in Phuket.

We stayed at the Burasari Resort, about 3 or 4 blocks from the beach. This hotel was heavily damaged in the 2004 Tsunami, but it was quickly restored and today shows no lingering effects. Our room was amazing, with direct pool access straight off our patio.

Part of our room.
Matt hard at work on our patio, which lead straight into the pool.
View of our room from the other side of the pool.
View into the pool from our patio.

We spent alot of time just walking around Patong. Everywhere you looked there were stands selling clothes, electronics, jewelry, knockoffs, and lots of homemade items. If you wanted something, you could find it and buy it here. I was surprised at seeing things like Viagra and Phentermine without a prescription at the drugstore.

Booths at Patong Top Shopping Center. This place also had a ton of outdoor bars as well.

Food choices are endless. Subway, Starbucks, Burger King... they all can be found in Patong Beach. Pizza, seafood, Thai food and even steakhouses. People at carts sell fruits, juices and even pancakes.

My meal on the last night in Thailand. It was de-licious.

Me with my pineapple chicken and mai tai. And I wondered why I kept getting cold sores. I drank more juices and ate more fruit there than anytime in my life.

Matt trying coconut milk. We were surprised that it wasn't like milk we would think of. It was more a thick watery liquid. Matt wasn't a fan at all. Luckily I am allergic to coconut so I didn't try it.

Me with some awesome banana and nutella pancakes. I thought they would be more like crepes, but instead they were fried. You could opt to have it with or without an egg. I choose without as I just couldn't get into non-refrigerated eggs that were usually cooked runny.

Patong Beach was hit quite hard in the 2004 Tsunami. Many of the areas on Beach Road and even further hit were destroyed or damaged and have been rebuilt over the past 3 1/2 years. I have watched videos on youtube of the tsunami hitting Patong, Phi Phi Islands and other parts of Thailand, and it is so heart wrenching. It feels different when you have been there, when you have walked with these people, than just watching it all happen on tv. It was a very surreal experience standing in the exact same spot that people had lost their lives or loved ones.



One thing you will see all over not just Patong, but Thailand in general, are Spirit Houses. The purpose of the Spirit House is to provide an appealing shelter for the spirits, or celestial beings, who would otherwise reside in the heavens. Offerings will often be made at these to keep the spirits happy. We watched each morning food being taken to a spirit house at our hotel, as well as seeing these small houses all over with food and drinks.

One of the many spirit houses we saw.

The famous Bangala Road & exotic nightlife in Patong is quite a pull for people traveling here on vacation. Everywhere you look on this road are rows and rows of bars. During the day there are a few people seen around, but at night it is packed with wall to wall people. No tuk tuks, scooters or cars. Only people.


I need to stop here and explain, if I can, what the nightlife and bars are like here in comparison to someplace like the United States (or even the few places I have been in Venezuela or France).

Few of the places are similar to what we would find here. A small area with a bar section and stools and then tables and chairs. Many others are huge rooms or outside areas filled with "sections" of different bars. At these bars will be the actual bar and then stools.

Outside of the bars, on the street, or by each "section" will be bargirls trying to get people to sit at "their" bar. From what I understand the girl that "brought" the person/persons in will get paid. Sometimes the "bargirl" will be asked to escort around for the evening, whether it be to other bars, dinner or what have you. Other times the "bargirl" will be asked to escort for more than just dinner or whatever.

There is a sex industry, but we are asked not to judge what is seen there, it is more complicated than one thinks. Sometimes I just wanted to weep for these girls. But as Matt told me, they are all hoping that one day they will meet someone who will take them away from this kind of life. And we saw two on our plane on the way to Singapore that did.

The nightlife in Thailand is a completely different world than anywhere else I have been. And from what I understand, there are other countries, particularly a few Asian ones, that has similar nightlife. I pray that someday these girls lives do not need to be this way.

One neat part about the nightlife is everywhere you go you get to play -- Jenga, Connect Four or a neat dice and number game (which we bought and love to play).


While you sit people and even children will come up and try to sell you anything from food to fresh flowers to homemade items. I think I could have a whole garden with the number of flowers I bought off children while out at night. What can I say? I am a sucker.

One part of Patong (and other areas of Thailand) that I haven't addressed are the ladyboys. I have never, ever, seen anything quite like them, even when I went to an impersonator show in Las Vegas. The best was when Matt and I were talking about just how beautiful two ladies we saw walking were while we ate dinner one night, and later on we saw the same girls with the ladyboys. Okay let me rephrase that, they were ladyboys. I swear I have never seen such perfect female bodies before on some of these men. I would kill for some of their legs.

The last night in Thailand was quite interesting. We left right before the Songkran Festival, but that didn't stop people from getting started early. This most celebrated Thai festival starts April 13 and lasts between 3 and 10 days, depending on where you are in Thailand. The Thai people celebrate this festival with water and everyone gets soaking wet.

People getting crazy with pre-festival festivities. Yes that is water all over the street.

Make sure you check out the pictures of Matt and I getting caught in the water crossfire on my photo album. This is us after we tried to dry off a bit.

As always, I have posted many more pictures in my album. Lots more of Patong, people, the beach and even a sneak peek of the toilets. (And before anyone asks, yes our hotels had real toilets)

I have to admit this post is bittersweet. I love sharing details of our trip. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life, and sadly this is my last post on Thailand. Now don't fret yet. I still have to share our experiences in Singapore, but for now I have to say goodbye to Thailand. I am hoping that someday soon I will be able to go back. I love the people, the culture, and the beauty of the country. Don't get me wrong. It's not all exotic, but there is just something magical about Thailand.