Safety Patrol

I have to admit one of the huge perks to raising children in a country like Japan was safety. Kids walk alone or with friends down the street, go play at a park, go to the store and take the train from the time they are really young –– like FIVE-years-young.  The biggest worry we had was if the local inoshishi (wild boar) would chase our kids home (Don't judge me. Those boars are mean!) or if Family Mart would be out of corn dogs and the kids would come home disappointed.

One of the worries we have with repatriating is that our children have grown up in a "bubble", meaning everything and everyone is good and safe. Sure, we traveled to some very "non-bubble" places, but that was just a blink of an eye in comparison to our 4.5 years in Japan. We have talked over and over with Sami and Chris about safety, talking to strangers, taking things from people. However, no matter how much we preach, they still slip back into their "bubble".

Last week Sami rode her bike to school with some friends for the first time. I may or may not have followed behind them for a while and then dashed to the school to make sure they got there safely.  After school she showed up with a popsicle in hand saying the "nice crossing man" gave it to her. I am sure the "nice crossing man" is a very nice, sweet crossing man, but the whole concept of taking things from people we do not know and when we are not with mom or dad went out the window.

Yesterday Matt and I ran to Costco and Home Depot. Upon our return Sami is waving to us as a SUV pulls away. Apparently Sami's little school friend came over, asked if Sami could come swim at her house and Chris thought nothing of the fact that we have no idea where this girl lives, what this girl's name was, or who were her parents. After Matt and I picked our jaws up off the floor Chris's response was "I told her to be home in 30 minutes". Both kids looked at us dumbfounded when we explained the safety concerns behind just letting Sami run off to who knows where with who knows who.

I am in no way saying the United States is this big scary place full of people just waiting to prey upon our children. What I am saying though, is we as parents shouldn't live in a "bubble". It's important we teach our children everything we can about keeping themselves and their friends safe. We can't afford not to.

A Turn of a Decade

We welcomed in the new year 14 hours ahead of most of our family and friends. In fact, as I sit here right now it is only 9:14 pm on December 31, 2009. So Happy New Year to all my family and friends!

This New Year's is special. Not only is it a new year, but a new decade as well. Hard to believe that 10 years has gone by. And what a ride the past 10 years has been.

• We have moved 3 times. From DeKalb, Illinois to Decatur, Illinois. Then from Decatur to Fuquay Varina, North Carolina. And then from North Carolina to Kobe, Japan.
  
• I went from working at a small PR firm, to staying home full-time and running my own consulting PR and technical writing business to giving it all up to be a trailing spouse.
• Matt and I went from two children to three. We have watched our kids grow from little babies and toddlers to having an almost 14 year old, a 10 year old and a 6 year old.
• Matt went back to school and got his MBA.
• Matt has traveled the world with his job. And now the kids and I are getting a taste of our own traveling adventures.
• This decade seemed to have been full of loss. We buried Matt's mom, both of his grandparents, his aunt, my aunt and our own daughter.
  

I've learned alot the past 10 years about myself, family, friends and life in general. It has been 10 years of change and of growth. I am not the same person I was 10 years ago. Not even close. But that isn't necessarily bad.

I think about this new decade and wonder what it will be like. Where will we be living in 10 years? At the end of this new decade our kids will be 23, 20 and 16. What will each of them be doing? Where will Chris and Emily be living? Where will Matt be career wise? What will I be doing? Life will be completely different from what it is now. Hopefully the different is good.

Irrational Attachments

The past 5 weeks have been full of change for our family. Those who know me well know that change is a very hard thing for me. Change isn't necessarily bad, but it is different. And different and Alexis do not mesh well.

Over the past 3 weeks we have sold our family boat, sold Matt's truck and we have just rented out our house. Financially speaking, I know these are all good things. It doesn't make any sense to have a boat or vehicle sit for 3 years, basically unused. We didn't want to sell our house in hopes that we will go back to NC when our assignment here is finished, so renting it out makes sense. But (there is always a but, isn't there?) these are also all things that hold memories of my family and those are always hard to part with.

Our boat was probably the easiest thing for me to part with. We loved the boat and used it all the time. We took friends on it, camped with it, and made lots of fun memories with our children. I hope that when they look back at their childhood they remember spending two summers swimming, tubing and just having some wonderful family time together. I am sure that we will buy another one at some point when we return stateside.

Our house... it is still our house. I know that. But the irrational part of me doesn't want other people living in my house. Sleeping in my room. Using my refrigerator. The house was a new build so we have been the only homeowners. We did all our own landscaping and painted every room to suit our family. We just agreed to let the renters paint the girls bedrooms as they have all boys and I can see why they would not want a pink or purple bedroom, but now it isn't the girl's bedrooms anymore. They seem like a great family, but as someone told me, renters never take as good of care of your house as you will. I envision my house being destroyed, although it is silly I know.

And finally, Matt's truck. This is the one I really am having issues with. We bought Matt's truck after we graduated from college and moved to Illinois. It was our very first new vehicle. I remember being so excited because we got such a good deal and the truck was red with grey trim, perfect for two Ohio State graduates. But the bigger part I am struggling with is that Matt's truck is the last vehicle Allison ever rode in. I remember loading her up in the truck and leaving our house at 2:30 am on August 9, 2002 and heading 3.5 hours to Chicago for her surgery. I remember the drive back to Decatur 4 days later with an empty car seat and a broken heart. Morbid memory I know, but for some weird reason I have a weird, again irrational, attachment to this silly 11 year old truck. We have so few memories and had so little time with Allison that I grasp to the simplest things that have her in them.

A therapist would have a field day with me, huh? :-)

Adjusting to Change

I am struggling with having Sami, by baby, go to all day kindy next year. I have been home with my kids for almost 10 years and now I will have no one at home.

I have been trying to work through "what's next" for me. Do I concentrate on getting more projects and turn my freelance writing and consulting business into something much bigger? Do I substitute teach on occasion? Do I work on that "always in the back of my mind" book? Or do I throw my feet up on the coffee table, search the Net for for cheap flights and eat bon-bons all day while I flip between soap operas and the Lifetime Movie Network?

I do know that I do not want to go back into an all day office environment. I want to be able to be home when my kids get off the bus. I want to be able to kiss them before school. I want to be able to take them back and forth to practices. I want to know what they are doing after school, especially with a middle school daughter. I also want to be able to volunteer at the school or chaperon field trips when I want. But at the same time I want to be able to do something for myself, and to use the talents that I have been given.

I used to think this time would never be here. After all it will be almost 13 years that I have had a child not in school. But somehow this time has crept up on me and I am not liking the change –– at all.

So if you are a SAHM, and you do not plan on going into the real working world, what are you when your kids go to school? Just a domestic engineer (AKA Housewife)? School volunteer? A SAHM w/o kids?