Irrational Attachments

The past 5 weeks have been full of change for our family. Those who know me well know that change is a very hard thing for me. Change isn't necessarily bad, but it is different. And different and Alexis do not mesh well.

Over the past 3 weeks we have sold our family boat, sold Matt's truck and we have just rented out our house. Financially speaking, I know these are all good things. It doesn't make any sense to have a boat or vehicle sit for 3 years, basically unused. We didn't want to sell our house in hopes that we will go back to NC when our assignment here is finished, so renting it out makes sense. But (there is always a but, isn't there?) these are also all things that hold memories of my family and those are always hard to part with.

Our boat was probably the easiest thing for me to part with. We loved the boat and used it all the time. We took friends on it, camped with it, and made lots of fun memories with our children. I hope that when they look back at their childhood they remember spending two summers swimming, tubing and just having some wonderful family time together. I am sure that we will buy another one at some point when we return stateside.

Our house... it is still our house. I know that. But the irrational part of me doesn't want other people living in my house. Sleeping in my room. Using my refrigerator. The house was a new build so we have been the only homeowners. We did all our own landscaping and painted every room to suit our family. We just agreed to let the renters paint the girls bedrooms as they have all boys and I can see why they would not want a pink or purple bedroom, but now it isn't the girl's bedrooms anymore. They seem like a great family, but as someone told me, renters never take as good of care of your house as you will. I envision my house being destroyed, although it is silly I know.

And finally, Matt's truck. This is the one I really am having issues with. We bought Matt's truck after we graduated from college and moved to Illinois. It was our very first new vehicle. I remember being so excited because we got such a good deal and the truck was red with grey trim, perfect for two Ohio State graduates. But the bigger part I am struggling with is that Matt's truck is the last vehicle Allison ever rode in. I remember loading her up in the truck and leaving our house at 2:30 am on August 9, 2002 and heading 3.5 hours to Chicago for her surgery. I remember the drive back to Decatur 4 days later with an empty car seat and a broken heart. Morbid memory I know, but for some weird reason I have a weird, again irrational, attachment to this silly 11 year old truck. We have so few memories and had so little time with Allison that I grasp to the simplest things that have her in them.

A therapist would have a field day with me, huh? :-)