Challenge Accepted

It is 2:06 am on my last night in Japan. In the morning I will go to the ward office and deregister, cancel my cell phone, have one last bowl of ramen, say too many goodbyes and board a plane bound for Dallas, Texas. Emily will follow in a week-and-a-half.

I should be sleeping, but I can't. As odd as it sounds, I want to soak up every minute I have left here. I know in my heart I will return to Japan in some capacity, whether it be as a visitor or to live again I do not know, but I firmly believe the "Japan chapter" in my book of life is not fully written yet.

The HS principal at the school here sends out a weekly blog entry on Sunday evenings. Last night she sent what will not only be the last one for the year, but her last one at CA. She too, is about to embark on an exciting, new adventure. In this entry she talked about challenges and there was one line that stood out to me: The truth is, I think challenges are good for us: good for our brains, but also good for our development as people.

To be honest, I am not one who enjoys change. I like the status quo. I know this is hard to believe considering Matt and I have moved five times with his company since graduating college 15 years ago. Japan is the longest place we have lived at just over 4.5 years. Each move was hard. Each move had its challenges. Each move was full of ups and downs. I can look back though and see how each move has developed and shaped not only the two of us, but our children as well. Each and every one of us are who we are today because of challenges we have faced in life, no matter what the challenge may be.

The principal closed out her entry with the following: I’ll leave you with this: never stop challenging yourself.  You’ll never know how much you can achieve until you push yourself to do things you never thought possible.

As Barney Stinson on How I Met Your Mother would say –– "Challenge Accepted." I am ready to look forward to what lies ahead for our family. I am anxiously excited about the adventures we are about to go on. I am ready to face each challenge head on, and hopefully have fun along the way.

While Mom Is Away...

Dad saves the day!

I have spent the past month back in Japan with Emily. No, she didn't miss her mommy so much that I had to rush over here to tuck her in at night. In fact, I am pretty sure she would have been okay if I didn't come back (to her defense, sharing a room for 4 weeks with your mom probably isn't all that grand). It was always planned that I would come back for the end of the school year to help her get ready for prom and then close out the school year. So while I have been over here having a wonderful time missing my family immensely, Matt has been holding down the new fort back in Texas.

I have to say I was very nervous leaving for a month. I have never been away from my kids that long, ever. Matt is always the one traveling for weeks at a time, so the idea of him being home with Chris and Sami alone for a month was downright scary. The beginning was a bit rocky with Sami (AKA Drama Queen) sending me texts of her picture so  I could always remember what she looked like, and telling me how daddy didn't understand her problems and she was sooooooo (her words) alone with just boys. I guess she decided staying with boys wasn't so bad as I rarely hear from her unless I am Skyping to Matt or Chris. She tells me she is just sooooooooo (her words) busy and can't talk.

Matt hasn't just done an okay job while I have been gone -- he has nailed it. Baseball games, movies, bike rides, baking cakes, making dinner, celebrating both the kids birthdays, going to the pool, playing sports, going to football practice, seeing movies and even taking Sami on a shopping spree.

I admit, Matt drives me crazy most days. He can be extremely stubborn, works too much, has no idea where the laundry hamper is located, forgets almost everything I tell him and drives my car when rain or hail is expected. But after the past month, between all that he has done and allowing me the opportunity to come here and be with Emily without worrying about what was going on back home, I love him more today than the day I fell in love with him almost 20 years ago.

"Motherless" Mother's Day

A few weeks ago I saw an advertisement for a "Motherless" Mother's Day brunch. This was a time for  any woman whose mother had died to get together and remember their loved one. This made me stop for a minute and think –– am I motherless?  She didn't abandon me. A stork didn't drop me in Canal Fulton, Ohio 37 years ago. I know exactly where my mother is right now. Did she stop being my mom just because she died? I didn't stop being Allison's mom when she died. So no, I am not motherless, and I don't think any amount of time would change my answer.

My mother could be a pain. She was many at times stubborn. She could be a bit selfish. She was a horrible cook. You may have been talking to a wall anytime an Ohio State football game was on television. But she had so many amazing qualities that outweighed her "moments". My mother helped me through some of the darkest times in my life after Allison died. She was dedicated to teaching and helping teenagers. The messages we received from past students last fall after she died showed us the impact she made in their lives. She was an awesome, lay-down-your-life type of friend, and would do anything for them. She was a huge animal lover, and at times I am pretty sure she liked the dogs better than her own kids. If you looked up perseverance in the dictionary you would find her picture. She really loved my dad, and although they drove each other crazy at times,  I never once doubted the love she had for my father. And her family –– she would lay down her own life for them if that is what she had to do.

We don't always like our moms. There was that party we didn't get to go to. That boy we weren't supposed to date. That time we were grounded you for something our sibling did. But no matter how angry I may have been at times, I always loved my mom.

I was very blessed that I got to spend so much time with her last summer. It wasn't always happy time, but it was precious time that I will forever cherish. I wish I had known last year that it was my last Mother's Day with my mom. So I encourage you -- call your mom. Send her a card. Cherish her. You never know when you won't get a another day with her.

And this year, no matter how big of a hole I have in my heart, I know my mother is having an amazing Mother's Day because for the first time in 34 years she gets to spend the day with her mom. And I know that is something she wished for every day.

So happy Mother's Day mom. I love and miss you very much.

Safety Patrol

I have to admit one of the huge perks to raising children in a country like Japan was safety. Kids walk alone or with friends down the street, go play at a park, go to the store and take the train from the time they are really young –– like FIVE-years-young.  The biggest worry we had was if the local inoshishi (wild boar) would chase our kids home (Don't judge me. Those boars are mean!) or if Family Mart would be out of corn dogs and the kids would come home disappointed.

One of the worries we have with repatriating is that our children have grown up in a "bubble", meaning everything and everyone is good and safe. Sure, we traveled to some very "non-bubble" places, but that was just a blink of an eye in comparison to our 4.5 years in Japan. We have talked over and over with Sami and Chris about safety, talking to strangers, taking things from people. However, no matter how much we preach, they still slip back into their "bubble".

Last week Sami rode her bike to school with some friends for the first time. I may or may not have followed behind them for a while and then dashed to the school to make sure they got there safely.  After school she showed up with a popsicle in hand saying the "nice crossing man" gave it to her. I am sure the "nice crossing man" is a very nice, sweet crossing man, but the whole concept of taking things from people we do not know and when we are not with mom or dad went out the window.

Yesterday Matt and I ran to Costco and Home Depot. Upon our return Sami is waving to us as a SUV pulls away. Apparently Sami's little school friend came over, asked if Sami could come swim at her house and Chris thought nothing of the fact that we have no idea where this girl lives, what this girl's name was, or who were her parents. After Matt and I picked our jaws up off the floor Chris's response was "I told her to be home in 30 minutes". Both kids looked at us dumbfounded when we explained the safety concerns behind just letting Sami run off to who knows where with who knows who.

I am in no way saying the United States is this big scary place full of people just waiting to prey upon our children. What I am saying though, is we as parents shouldn't live in a "bubble". It's important we teach our children everything we can about keeping themselves and their friends safe. We can't afford not to.

Bittersweet Birthday

Yesterday Allison would have been 11-years-old. Someone asked me if after 11 years, this day was any easier. I had to think about that a moment. Easy isn't the right word to use. There is nothing easy about a birthday that will never be for your daughter. So I choose the word different. Each year that goes by is just different. Every year that passes a new bandaid is placed over a broken heart that slowly over the years the cracks in it have changed. I will never stop wishing that April 29th could be a day for celebration, and there will never be a day that goes by that I don't wish she was here, but I know for some reason this is the path God chose for us, and that is something we can't change.

So happy 11th birthday Allison Grace. I know this is a very special birthday for you because this year NaNa is there for your party. And for me, that makes this the most bittersweet birthday yet.

Getting Our Feet Wet

Mornin' y'all!  So that is as far as my Texas lingo will take me, but give me a few months and I am sure I will have expanded my vocabulary.

Our family (minus Emily) has been in Texas a month now. I thought it would have been much easier to jump into daily life, but alot changes when you are out of the country for 4 1/2 years.  New technology. New food. New products. New styles. New trends. New cars. New, well, just about everything. In some ways, it is like being someone who has amnesia and slowly has to remember and learn everything over again.

We closed on our house at the end of March, but have not been able to live there since most of our belongings are on the slow boat from Japan. However, tomorrow that will all end, as 427 boxes containing our junk stuff will be delivered. It will be like Christmas opening each box and trying to decide what to do with everything. (Okay, so 7 1/2 weeks really hasn't been that long, but it sure feels like it.) Chris told me recently "Our life has been like living the Suite Life of Zach and Cody. Finally it is almost over."

While I cannot tell you much about the area thus far, I can tell you where every Target, Lowes and Home Depot is within a 25 mile radius of our house. Chris and Sami have settled into school with only a few minor bumps. The kids here seem very welcoming and friendly, which has made the adjustment much easier. We miss Emily more and more each day, but we also know each day that goes by is one day closer to us to all being together again. If this is how it will feel when Emily goes off to college in a year, then I owe my mom a huge apology for not understanding why she was so upset when I went off to Ohio State. I feel a bit lonely and overwhelmed most days, but I know that is all part of the repatriation process. Hopefully getting in the house and turning it into our home will help.

Life in quiet, small-town, Prosper, Texas will be much different than being in the city for the past 4 1/2 years. I am sure the weeks and months ahead will provide laughter and many tears, but I think we will really enjoy this new adventure. So don't stay away from this blog too long. I have a feeling things are about to get interesting.

'Twas the Night Before Texas

'Twas the night before Texas,

And all through the hotel,

Not a creature was stirring,

Not even a... forget it. Nothing rhymes with hotel.

It has been 4.5 years since we moved to Japan.  I remember nervously putting our "babies" on a plane and heading to Japan, not having any idea what may lie ahead. 

Tomorrow evening Matt and I will put our youngest two children on a plane and embark back to the United States on a new adventure to Dallas, Texas. Our oldest daughter will follow at the end of June.

I have to admit, I am in serious denial about this move. In some ways it is surreal. Maybe it is because I have so many people tell me how difficult repatriating is supposed to be and I don't want to deal with it.  Maybe it is because I am leaving my first-born child behind for three months, when we have never been apart for more than a week. Or maybe it is because I have fallen so much in love with Japan, the culture, and the friendships I have built, that the idea of leaving is hard to think about. But the reality is, in less than 24 hours I will be in the air over the Pacific Ocean, hopefully sleeping with the help of a few bottles glasses of wine. 

Our goal when coming to Japan was to embrace the culture and gain as much as we could from this experience. I think we have not only achieved, but surpassed that goal. We climbed Mt Fuji with our older two kids and 16 other Caterpillar ISEs. We have been skiing, camping, white water rafting and road tripping throughout Japan. We have learned to embrace onsens and eat raw fish. We have experienced some of the world’s most beautiful beaches, ziplined through jungles, ridden on elephants, visited seaweed farms, hiked thorough Vietnam, crawled through the same tunnels as soldiers in the Vietnam War, snorkeled the Great Barrier Reef and saw cows walking down the streets of some of the poorest areas of Asia.  My family has been blessed over and over during our time here. 

There are some things I never thought I would experience, like the 2011 earthquake and getting stitches in a rural Vietnam clinic by someone who was probably the village vet.  I went on two disaster relief trips to Tohoku shortly after the earthquake and the experiences I had during my time up North will be ones that stay with me forever. I am already thinking about ways to get involved in missions and service trips in parts of South America. 

I will take away many lessons from my 4.5 years here. The Japanese language is hard. I will never be fluent, or even close.  Japanese beer is way stronger than US beer. Everything here is a process, and if you think it should take an hour you better double that. Forget clothing style, anything goes, especially Little Bo Beep wear. Most people do not speak English, yet they will go out of their way to help you. Taking the train everywhere is way easier than driving, Japanese people can find a reason to smile in the midst of the worst tragedy. And people leaving is a hard reality of expat life and unfortunately it is now our time go. 

Most importantly, I have learned that when you pack up your three children and move to the other side of the world where you know no one, cannot speak the language and drive on the opposite side of the road, the people around you become your family. And boy are we going to miss our amazing family here in Kobe. 

In Japanese, the word for goodbye is sayonara. I do not believe in goodbyes, so as we board the plane tomorrow, heading to what I hope to be another amazing adventure, I will bid this beautiful country and all my friends ja mata, or as we say in English "see you later". Because anything else, I hope, is false. 

Remembering Japan -- Two Years Later

Today my heart is heavy. I have been laying in bed for almost 2 hours (it is the middle of the night here in Japan) and I can't stop thinking about the people up North and the anniversary of the March 11, 2011 Tohoku earthquake.  I am sure many of you have seen pictures of the rebuilding that has happened over the past two years. Wrecked cars and debris have been taken away. Roads have been cleared. The airport has long ago reopened. Buildings have been repaired and some have even been rebuilt. The Fukushima nuclear plant has been contained. Amazing work has happened.

What lays on my heart at 3:21 am, is their hearts. Even two years later, aftershocks occur. Some of them large. Who comforts them each time the ground shakes beneath their feet? Do they close their eyes at night and relive the horror of watching the water come and take away everything they have ever known?  People lost friends. People lost family members. Some people lost both. Have they found peace? What about the children who ran screaming as they were rushed to get to higher ground?

I was blessed to have been able to go to the Tohoku region two different times to help in the relief efforts. The first time was three weeks after the earthquake and the second was 2.5 months after the earthquake. I went on these trips hoping that I would be able to do something, however small, for these people suffering such a tragedy. What happened, was I walked away with more than what I probably ever gave back.

So today, March 11, take a few moments in your busy day to think and pray for the people in Japan who are still haunted by what happened at 2:46 pm on that day. And then take a few more moments to hug your children, call someone you may not have talked to in a while, tell someone you love them, cuddle with your pet on the couch. In a heartbeat, it could all be gone.

Dear Mom: Change of Address

Dear Mom:

It has been almost 7 months since we spoke last. I hope you are enjoying your "vacation" and are having fun being reunited with all of your family and friends that you haven't seen in a long time. I know I promised you I would start blogging again on a regular basis, but life got crazy shortly after my last post. So let me take a few minutes to catch you up on "The Jacobs' Family Adventures".

As you know this was to be our last year here in Japan and we have been anxiously waiting to find out what and where was next. At the end of November Matt found out about a job opportunity in the Mining Division. After a few weeks of interviews, waiting and alot of praying Matt was offered the job. Put down your golf club and your old fashioned just for a minute, because I would hate for you to spill or break your club from shock. Ready? We are moving to Dallas, Texas at the end of this month. I know you and I talked at length this summer about Dallas and I firmly believe "There Is No Coincidence in Life, Only a Purpose". And as hard as it will be to leave Japan, there is no doubt in my mind that this move is exactly the path that God wants us to be on.

The kids are anxious, yet excited. This has been the longest place they have ever lived. They have grown up here. We came with a kindergartner, 4th grader and 7th grader. The kids will be in 5th, 9th and 12th in the fall. Sami and Chris will start school for the last 9 weeks in Texas and we are leaving Emily in Japan to finish out the end of the school year. Don't worry, we have her staying with a good family that will make sure she is okay. I will be coming back to Japan in May for prom (there is NO WAY I am missing that) and will stay until final exams. I will let my friend put Emily on the plane to come to the states. Yes, I know I will owe her big for that one.

For me the move will be bittersweet. I have fallen in love with Japan and I think this will be the hardest move I have had to make. Wait I mean the second hardest. The first was leaving you of course. But I am excited to see what the next adventure holds. I mean, what can go wrong with cowboys, rodeos, Tex-Mex and FOOTBALL! And yes, unfortunately this means there is a chance Emily could become a Longhorn. You will just have to learn to tolerate them if so. Maybe I can watch Matthew McConaughey bongo on the Texas sidelines up close and personal.

I think the hardest part of this whole move is you not being here to talk things through. I never thought I would miss hearing "I am not telling you what to do but...". I really could use that right now. Dad is way better at not giving his opinion. You two always evened yourselves out.

I will try to be better about blogging in the coming weeks. We will be living the "Suite Life of Zack and Cody" and staying in a hotel for 6 weeks starting this Thursday. We have to buy two cars and move a household across the ocean. Life will be busy, but I am sure it will present some great bloggable moments. After all, it is our family.

I miss you.

Love,
Alexis

The Red Bag

My mom had a fear of flying in an airplane. She loved to learn about places outside of Ohio, but there were very few places she ever actually went. She went to Florida (via car of course) as a child to visit her grandma. She took a group of her Spanish students to Mexico when I was younger. She went to California to watch the 1968 Ohio State National Championship game. She snuck off to Washington D.C. to attend the events after President Kennedy's assassination (apparently sending a postcard to your parents when they do not know you have left the state is not a wise decision). She and I took a road trip in 1998 to New Orleans to watch Ohio State play in the Sugar Bowl. Besides her fear of airplanes, she was also a creature of habit, so that meant going to Indiana to visit family or to surrounding states to watch Ohio State play was what she enjoyed doing.

When Matt and I moved away from Ohio in 1998 it meant mom had to expand her traveling horizons a bit more. For nine years she drove to visit us in Illinois. When we moved to North Carolina she realized it was easier to face her fear and fly rather than driving through the mountains. She also started to fly every winter to visit her friend and her sister in Florida. When we moved to Japan at the end of 2008, I begged her to come visit me, but between her stubbornness and fear she adamantly refused every time. I even tried to bribe her with a deal that I would take her to Ireland, her dream, if she just came to see me. It's funny what you learn after someone has died. My mom and dad were in the process of getting their passports to come and see us in Japan. It was supposed to be a surprise.

My mom had a red suitcase that she used when she would go anywhere. It wasn't a big one, but it was exactly what she needed when she would travel.

When I went back to Ohio in September to visit my dad and brother, I needed an extra suitcase because I bought too much to bring back with me to fit in the two large suitcases I brought with me. Dad gave me the red bag to use. Little does he know (until he reads this) the suitcase is now mine.

The red bag has finally visited Japan. We took the bag with us when we went on fall break to Boracay in the Phillippines.

I am taking the red bag with us on our Christmas holiday to Singapore and Cambodia. My hope is to take the bag to places Mom never experienced herself. I am planning to travel more of the United States after our assignment in Japan is finished, and the bag will come with me.  And someday,  in the smallest way, I will makes mom's dream come true and the bag and I will go to Ireland.